Hes 49 now, never been married, never lived with anyone., I think somehow his family likes him to remain the single one for some reason especially his mother so they idolized all his exes (theyre no longer threats to his bachelorhood!) Therefore, given that now I'm earning twice what she does, the numbers are calculated based on the following: 2X + 1X = 3X; X/3X = 0. Unsure of what OP should do, they reached out to Reddit for wisdom. Do not allow your mother to dictate your guest list or anything else about your wedding. If you really want her there, then pay, otherwise she can stay at home. A mom asked the AITA community on Reddit for their opinion, on whether or not she did the right thing by taking her daughter and leaving a wedding they were attending because her stepbrother pulled off her wig in front of everyone. Run, OP. My husband (32) and I (26) have been married for nearly 6 months. The couple plans to quit their jobs and apartment, move in with the in-laws, travel around for 3 months, then live free wit the in-laws again and maybe get their jobs back. When someone moves across the country, they accept the reality that they'll miss milestones for all sorts of reasons ranging from costs to time. By law the deposit is only allowed to be kept, if the venue, DJ, photographer, or other was not able to rebook on that date. There is one topic that I see mentioned a lot, that being the 67/33 part. NTA. Therefore, whenever we need to pay for something, I pay 67% of it, and she's paying the remaining 33%. I highlighted that I'd prefer we'd invite only family and friends that we're actively communicating and going out with, that I'd rather spend that precious time with people I care most for, rather than being split around tables having to entertain people I rarely even talk to. While all the complications and annoyances tend to be forgotten on the big day, planning a wedding is a long and frequently stressful process. An absolute blast. When they asked me to be in the wedding, they knew my financial situation. There is ALOT of background info with about 6 - 7 years worth of information but the TLDR version is this: Back in September 2016, my mom matched with a person on an old person dating website. After you are married, your MIL will treat your kids differently because they arent her biological grandkids., Things like birthdays and Christmas will become nightmares., I am not talking about paying for education or other more extravagant gifts, just the everyday living experiences., I am not saying you expect any of this, it is just what will probably happen. Something people would spend $40K on and walk away with no regret, just beautiful memories. NTA.~suzris. Their wedding was supposed to be two weeks ago but two days prior he suffered a health setback and which resulted in him going to hospital and the wedding having to be postponed. most of the time the parents foot the bill for the whole wedding. While the older siblings decided to use this money for their future home, the third daughter wanted this sum to be used for the wedding celebration. I have regretfully declined weddings I couldn't afford to attend. Even though this sounds like a great alternative, the parents were quite upset with their daughter spending their $5K on caterers and wedding-related things that they couldnt get back. My 2-year-old son can't attend, either. as long as you are both perfectly okay with her not coming, NTA. After many years working in the service industry, in many different States, there is one thing a lot of people don't realize. Weddings are boring, if you want people to enjoy them they should have someone to enjoy it with. 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That's my question. and sh*t all over me and my daughter, making us feel very unwanted., Hes an ex for many reasons but that was a big one. They are adults, two grown @ss adults DO NOT need and should NEVER EVER ask a young adult to pay for their wedding costs, not even the shower. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. In our culture, the wedding is a very small event with close family and a few friends but the wedding reception is a large (200-300 people) come and go or come and stay until the end event with food, music, dancing, etc. Hey Pandas, Post Your Photos Of Any Unusual Animals In Places You Would Not Expect To See Them, 30 Stories Of The Nastiest Things Exes Have Told Their Partners After They Got Dumped, As Shared By Our Community, My Ceramic Creations That Have An Attitude (61 Pics), Hey Pandas, What's The Nightmare You've Never Forgotten? Then it's the namesake. Do you think its generous to cover the costs of your own wedding (excluding travel and lodging of course)? Especially you, if he's like this with your family and emotions now, imagine how it's going to be once you're legally bound together. The creator of the site explained: We always say to couples that they should try and not put too much pressure on themselves from both a financial and an emotional perspective. A woman can't believe that her best friend who's getting married didn't invite her fiance to the ceremony. Do not discuss anything about wedding planning with your p. Plan this thing with your fianc. They now own 3 homes as they just purchased a second rental property. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. I told her this and she's not too happy to say the least. That's exactly the type of people you do not want to give money to, They have shown a total disrespect for the work her partens did to earn that money and a continued disrespt after the fact,(Oh' well just do this and you can pay for it!-No! That may be true if you go to court over it(im not a lawyer, so idk), but if you try to dispute it through your bank, you're gonna be held to the agreement you made, which likely only says that the deposit is non-refundable. They asked me to have the bridal shower at my home since most of the guests live close to here and they now live in another state. Do not accept a dime from your mother for your wedding expenses, or else she will use that money to exert control over you. Employers don't like that ho~hum attitude, either. ._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa{margin-top:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._3EpRuHW1VpLFcj-lugsvP_{color:inherit}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa svg._31U86fGhtxsxdGmOUf3KOM{color:inherit;fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._2mk9m3mkUAeEGtGQLNCVsJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} 787 top end rebuild; can you. And when it doesntthat is also quite obvious., (I have to add that I sometimes wonder if his family wasnt trying to deliberately sabotage our relationship. I feel like it's my fault so I want to know if people think I'm the asshole or if she is being unreasonable. You can read more about it and change your preferences, , a leading wedding planner platform in the UK that provides a wide range of services for engaged couples, to find out some insightful nuances about wedding planning. Run as fast as you can from this relationship and this family. And you have free meal and free booze! Some users also suggested some ways out of how they could still save the paid money, but according to OP, that $5K is already a lost cause. She's very disappointed and things have been icy because they would have to put off getting a house together if they were to pay for the wedding and they still wouldn't be able to afford the wedding that they want. NTA. It's a shame, but there it is. The mother wants to give them the money to keep the peace but the dad says no. Me and my fiance carefully chose the rules and in total there was about 30 rules. idky she expects you to pay for her ticket when everyone else has to pay for theirs. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. literally whenever I would start talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones., Im not even kidding. Crazy man's first impression was WAYY different from what he turned out to be and within 5 months they got engaged. So a couple may have originally thought they wanted to have a big wedding with lots of guests but then end up going down the route of eloping. I've let her know that we will split the finances percent wise for up to 35 invites from each other's side, and that she'd have to cover entirely the extra guests that'd be coming from her side (any guest above 35). Frank Geier (pronouns he/him) is a nerd and father of three who recently moved to Alabama. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. ._1aTW4bdYQHgSZJe7BF2-XV{display:-ms-grid;display:grid;-ms-grid-columns:auto auto 42px;grid-template-columns:auto auto 42px;column-gap:12px}._3b9utyKN3e_kzVZ5ngPqAu,._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP:before{content:"";margin-right:4px;color:#46d160}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{display:inline-block;word-break:break-word}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-weight:500}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-weight:400;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-top:13px;margin-bottom:2px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO ._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;margin-right:4px;margin-left:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y{border-radius:4px;box-sizing:border-box;height:21px;width:21px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(2),._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(3){margin-left:-9px} We were curious to find out whether situations like this happen often. What happens when you cant spend one of the most important days with someone you want to spend your whole life with? ._1x9diBHPBP-hL1JiwUwJ5J{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:#ff585b;padding-left:3px;padding-right:24px}._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4{height:16px;padding-right:4px;vertical-align:top}.icon._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5{height:20px;vertical-align:middle;padding-right:8px}.QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{height:18px;padding-right:8px;vertical-align:top}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0{font-size:14px;font-weight:500;line-height:18px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1LLqoNXrOsaIkMtOuTBmO5,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._2B0OHMLKb9TXNdd9g5Ere-,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 ._1xKxnscCn2PjBiXhorZef4,._3w_KK8BUvCMkCPWZVsZQn0 .QB2Yrr8uihZVRhvwrKuMS{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)} ago NTA. Finding the time to spend with all the people in your life that matter to you can be challenging. It is also normal for guests to pay their travel and accommodation costs! .Rd5g7JmL4Fdk-aZi1-U_V{transition:all .1s linear 0s}._2TMXtA984ePtHXMkOpHNQm{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;margin-bottom:4px}.CneW1mCG4WJXxJbZl5tzH{border-top:1px solid var(--newRedditTheme-line);margin-top:16px;padding-top:16px}._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{transition:all .1s linear 0s;display:none;fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;vertical-align:middle;margin-bottom:2px;margin-left:4px;cursor:pointer}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover ._11ARF4IQO4h3HeKPpPg0xb{display:inline-block}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs{border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._2IvhQwkgv_7K0Q3R0695Cs:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border-radius:4px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-line)}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:focus{outline:none}._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B.IeceazVNz_gGZfKXub0ak,._1I3N-uBrbZH-ywcmCnwv_B:hover{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk._35hmSCjPO8OEezK36eUXpk{margin-top:25px;left:-9px}._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:focus-within,._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP._3aEIeAgUy9VfJyRPljMNJP:hover{transition:all .1s linear 0s;border:none;padding:8px 8px 0}._25yWxLGH4C6j26OKFx8kD5{display:inline}._2YsVWIEj0doZMxreeY6iDG{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;padding:4px 6px}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);margin-right:8px;margin-left:auto;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-errorText)}._1hFCAcL4_gkyWN0KM96zgg,._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;cursor:pointer;-ms-flex-item-align:end;align-self:flex-end;-webkit-user-select:none;-ms-user-select:none;user-select:none}._1dF0IdghIrnqkJiUxfswxd{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq{font-weight:700;color:#ff4500;text-transform:uppercase;margin-right:4px}._3VGrhUu842I3acqBMCoSAq,.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}.edyFgPHILhf5OLH2vk-tk{font-weight:400;-ms-flex-preferred-size:100%;flex-basis:100%;margin-bottom:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX{margin-top:6px}._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._19lMIGqzfTPVY3ssqTiZSX._3MAHaXXXXi9Xrmc_oMPTdP{margin-top:4px} I don't think it has to be said but to be clear I completely understand that this was unforseen and a very stressful time for the both of them. Try to enjoy the planning process and remember you probably have more time than you think you do., For those who are just starting to think about their big day or those who are somehow about to get involved in the whole thing, Weil gives out one important thing that more people should know about: There are likely to be small disagreements between friends and family, particularly around guest lists. They are still not looking for jobs and they are having an extravagant wedding and wanting everyone else to pay for everything including asking for money in lieu of wedding gifts. "She was shocked to hear me say . and our She needs to be a grownup and plan accordingly. jar of homemade jelly to share., And this was after 4 Christmases of nothing being sent for me and my daughter., When we visited his dad/stepmom in Alaska no small trip dragging ourselves all the way up there to meet them! This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. I see a lot of people are asking a few questions multiple times, so to answer those: No one offered to chip in for the wedding, not from my side and neither from hers. Theres the spouse, kids, friends, parents. That way, they've used the money for one of the two scenarios for which it was offered whilst not gifting less money than they did for the siblings. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Finally it's AITA for not going to my best friend's sister's wedding? Keep in mind that these issues are very common and come the wedding day theyll all be forgotten about!, Image credits: Sean P. Anderson (not the actual image). This sounds like it is months in advance so people like the dj and photographer have plenty of time to find a new gig. I have attended numerous wedding, sometimes far away, I always paid for it. AITA For refusing to get my fianc a birthday present?, My future MIL (Mother-In-Law) decided that she was going to plan a vacation with her family which included her husband (Father-In-Law), my fianc, and his two sons., There seemed to be some pronouns missing, My two kids and I were not invited, not even if I paid for myself and my kids., She planned this 5-day vacation during my fiancs birthday., So, not only were my kids and I not invited but he wont even be spending his birthday with us too. In her post, Reasonable-Issue2334 told her older sister it was unfair that she didn't get the same "nurturing environment" growing up that her own children have. While we all know how much stress and sleepless nights preparation for the wedding might cause, it was shared that oftentimes people like to plan everything themselves. So she doesn't come. "Also likely spread many rumors. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. ju. Add some strained familial relationships to . (And it goes both ways, if you move across the country you can't really expect people to show up for everything, and you can't be upset when you don't get crowds for your wedding). Who on earth expects the bride and groom to pay for their flights? Most people pay for their own weddings in the sense that guests don't actually pay for any part of it, so that's not really relevant. You're getting married somewhere close to wherever you live. To view it, confirm your age. ._2a172ppKObqWfRHr8eWBKV{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:8px}._39-woRduNuowN7G4JTW4I8{margin-top:12px}._136QdRzXkGKNtSQ-h1fUru{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:8px 0;width:100%}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_{font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_,._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{margin-left:auto}._1-25VxiIsZFVU88qFh-T8p{padding:0}._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor)} Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. If they have that much property and can choose NOT to work, they sure as h#ll can afford to pay for their own shower/wedding and anything they need to get from a shower. Hey Former Cult Member Pandas, What Made You Figure Out You Were In A Cult? Skip to GTV: 10:00. We're both financially in a good place, but for the past 3 years I've been earning twice what she makes. Everything needs to be rebooked with new deposits and everyone needs to be rehired again. We started planning our wedding after being engaged for close to 1 year now, and we've reached the budgeting part, which is tricky to say the least. 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Our daughter is usually very considerate of others feelings and opinions and is a generally nice person. if she cant afford to come, then she cant come. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. CareyHope/Getty Images. If you've ever planned a wedding, you'll know the struggle of having to decide who gets invited, who gets to be a groomsman or a bridesmaid, who is just there for the ceremony and whatnot. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. NTA. Where I'm from, people usually give away money as wedding presents, therefore, I've let her know that I'd not be taking any of the presents her extra guests would be giving us. He doesnt like that we arent invited but hes not turning down a free vacation either., After she invited him and his boys and made all the plans and purchased tickets she told him shed pay for their accommodations but he had to help pay for everything else., He barely makes enough money to cover his own bills and his part of our shared bills (mortgage & utilities). We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. They previously said they would pay for these things. 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